It's my party and I'd cry if I want to

Twenty four.

is the amount of hours in a day.

is that famous TV series about that dude, Jack Bauer.

is the number of months in my mobile phone contract.

is 2 x 12, or 3 x 8, or even 4 x 6

Twenty four.

is how old I am now.

Today is indeed, my birthday. One year older, but none the wiser. It feels so weird because I actually didn't feel the 'hype' and excitement of having a birthday. I slept early last night at 11 pm, and couldn't even wake up to answer calls or sms-es. I woke up with one missed call and five birthday sms-es in my mobile.

Today was just an ordinary day. Actually, I could say that I had a bad day at work. Everything was just wrong, orders were late, suppliers were pushing the due date further, salespeoples were panicking out and pushing my patience to the limit. To add to that, my colleagues at work didn't even know that today's my birthday.

I did tell one of my colleague that it's my birthday, in the end. And I told her that I don't want to make a big deal out of it... She kept it hush-hush, but soon enough the whole department was wishing me birthday wishes. And to my surprise, as I went back from lunch (alone, that is!), they prepared me a birthday present! A beautiful rose with beads bracelet and matching earrings! 

Today was simply just an ordinary day... the only difference is I am one year older. What made the day special were the birthday wishes from all my friends around the world.. even those ones that I have not been in contact in years left a message on my facebook wall (thank goodness for facebook! hahaha). Earlier this week I got an early birthday present from my sis in Malaysia, and my mom and dad just bought me a digital camera for my birthday! I'm gonna have it real soon :) yaaaayy..

Everyday is full of decisions. Of course, those negative situation above could affect my birthday mood. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. But hey, nobody is gonna rain in my parade! so I chose to be happy in my birthday and relax :)

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes guys.. through sms-es, phone calls, facebook wall comments, friendster comments, even from your nick on messenger :) It is true, your family and friends are the ones who made your world, no matter where you are. I am officially twenty four years old and trully blessed  :) 

One hour and seven minutes to go, and I'm no longer the birthday girl.

It's my party and I'd cry if I want to

Hopelessly devoted to...

Ola people,

If you guys didn't have my facebook or my messenger... you probably won't know this. But I want to shout it out from top of the mountain *okay, i'm exaggerating* that I'm officially a Mac-devotee.

My baby :)

Yeapp! that's right people.. I just recently switched to Macintosh. Since last week Wednesday, to be precise. I'm known as a 'switcher' now, and I don't want to go back to PC *sorry!* hehe.  

I've always loved Mac. Secretly desired Mac. But never have the guts to actually buy it. I talked about planning to buy it a lot, but no action. You see, one of my good friend - Rey - is crazy about Mac. My pastors (both of them!) are crazy about Mac. My church uses Mac in everything. Liza's boyfriend, Chris, converted to Mac. My housemate bought a Mac. Everybody uses Mac!

Since I've oftenly uses the church's MacBook Pro, I have gotten familiar with the OS and how they operate. I liked it wayyyy better than PC. Mac is so easy to use, with great interface and graphics, and they do not crash like PC *unless if some guy accidentally squeezed the hard drive part of your MacBook, that is. Note to Jibo!*

All I can say is.. I LOVE IT. This beautiful white thing is my baby! I have much love for it *sad, i know...*

Hey PC users, why don't you change to Mac and join the 'switchers'? :)

Hopelessly devoted to...

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet..."

(Juliet - from "Romeo & Juliet" by William Shakespeare) 

That was an excerpt from the famous love story "Romeo & Juliet" by William Shakespeare. Here, Juliet expressed her love for Romeo, despite the feud that their families threw at each other. She wished that Romeo's last name was not a Montague, but then she declared that she would love him anyway despite what his name is. Rather sweet isn't it?

Many people have asked what's the story behind my nickname... What is "Cintapopia" and how did I come up with it... The answer is pretty simple, not as complicated as you might think... hehe. 

The term "Cintapopia" actually consists of two words: Cinta and Popia. Cinta is an Indonesian language for 'love' while Popia means... vietnamese rolls :D hahahaha. Yeap, altogether combined, it means 'love vietnamese rolls'. Pretty neat, huh? :P

Popia is one of my favorite food. It's easy to make, it's healthy and it has that fresh-summery vibe to it. It's a good entree/finger food snack when entertaining guests. As you might know, our Food Lovers Link began last Saturday. We decided to do potluck night, where everyone bring one dish each to the meeting for all of us to enjoy. Since I didn't have much time to prepare a complicated dish, I made Popia!

Making Popia is veryyyyyy easy. You don't need to boil the vegetables that goes with it because you can eat them straight away - The only 'painful' thing is boiling the rice vermicelli and trying to wrap the Popia in a perfect shape (this is only painful if you're as perfectionist as I am hehe) but if you enjoy cooking, you wouldn't mind at all :)

Anyhoo... here is the play-by-play steps of making Cintapopia...

Ingredients:

- Cucumber

- Carrots

- Snowpea Sprouts

- Coriander

- Rice Vermicelli

- Rice Paper

- Shredded Chicken 

Dipping Sauce:

- Hoisin Sauce

- Chilli Powder

- Coriander 

- Sweet Soya Sauce

- Hot water 

Method:

1. Wash all the vegetables that you're going to use! Hygiene purposes
2. Thinly cut the cucumber and carrots
3. Prepare the snowpea sprouts (or you can use alfalfas here as well) and coriander (you can skip it if you don't like it... but I personally think that it adds a certain aroma and taste to the Popia) 
4. Shred the chicken thinly. For this time I 'cheated' on this one. I don't actually cook the chicken on my own (I was too lazy!) and bought a roasted chicken from Coles instead.. hehe. You can actually replaced the chicken for prawns or pork or even beef... depends on what you love :)
5. Soak the rice vermicelli in warm water for two minutes until it soften. Drained and pour with cold water to toughen it up.
6. Soak the rice paper in warm water until it soften 
7. Place the rice paper on a clean surface (and preferable moist) 
8. Put the rice vermicelli first, then your vegetables and chicken on top of the vermicelli
9. Fold it gently *careful not to tear the rice paper!* as you do with spring rolls.
10. Put the folded ones aside and start with your next one.
11. Prepare the sauce: mix hoisin sauce, a little bit of hot water, sweet soya sauce and chilli powder together. Stir it until it mixes well.
12. Serve your Cintapopia and Bon Appetit!

Making this dish will only take you 20 minutes tops - well depends on how many you are making, that is. My Cintapopia had some leftovers the other night (I think I made too much of it) but was gone anyway since lots of them took away leftovers in containers (I took some too!). 

Food - Glorious Food!!!

Food Lovers Link Members - Tien, Adeline, Carol, Me, Felice and Liza

Food Lovers Link was fun! We're going to do another one in two weeks time (it will be on Saturday, every fortnight) and we're going to make Sticky Date Pudding in the next one! Yaaay :) A warm dessert for winter!

I've already asked Raymond as well who's a good friend of mine to contribute a class to our Food Lovers link. He's the head chef of Terrazza Restaurant and he's a great cook! He's the human version of Ratatouille :P He's going to show us how to do his delicious grilled salmon and I can't wait!

So girlss (and guys), if you are in Perth and love food... please don't hesitate to join us! We're not only going to bake, but we also going to cook dishes and eat out to review the food. Our Food Lovers website will be up and running soon - so stay tune!

 

What's in a name?

Jason Mraz - Beautiful Mess

You’ve got the best of both worlds

You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,

And lift him back up again

You are strong but you’re needy,

Humble but you’re greedy

Based on your body language, your shouted cursive

I’ve been reading

You’re style is quite selective

though your mind is rather reckless

Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is

It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write

Kind of turn themselves into knives

And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction

‘Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear

‘Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice

Your comebacks they’re quick

and probably have to do with your insecurities

There’s no shame in being crazy,

depending on how you take these

Words that paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging

And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is

It’s like, we are picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say

Kind of turn themselves into blades

And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard

But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt

Cause here, here we are,

Here we are Here we are...

We're still here

And what a beautiful mess this is

It’s like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words in priceless pictures

We’ll fly like birds not of this earth

And tides they turn and hearts disfigure

But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together

And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts

But it’s nice today, oh the wait was so worth it

***

Jason Mraz - Beautiful Mess

My BIG FAT update

Yellow yellow everyone.. it’s been over three weeks since I last posted an entry in this blog. Sorry for the lack of updates guys.. life been super super busy lately. So here it comes, a BIG FAT update.

Work = CRAZY

Well, it’s end of financial year here in Australia – that means if you are an Accountant (which I am not, thank goodness) you’ll be ripping your hair out soon enough because you need to do end of financial year stuff.

There’s no difference here in Retail! All of my colleagues are out doing stocktake at the moment and guess who’s the lucky one who got left with ALL customer-related processing and admin nitty gritty stuff? Yeap yeap, me.

At the moment – I’m doing three people worth of workload. All the enquiries, the processing, data entries, order, special makes even answering calls are done by me. To cut the story short – I’m exhausted. These past one and a half week got me brain-dead at the end of every workdays. I don’t even have the will and the strength to hit the gym on weekdays! Yep, my filofax at work is filled with scribbles, list of jobs to due on the day, post it notes… gosh, it gives me headache just to think of it @_@

Stocktake will be over very soon (I hope) and then there’s the follow up… the moment where I have to fix everything that went wrong in stocktake. Fun (not).

Sex And The City = FABULOUS

I’ve finally watched SATC The Movie on 10th June 2008. The girls and I had a girls night out. Too bad it’s on weekdays – I went home and change my clothes, then went straight to the cinema. We didn’t have the ‘dress up’ night! Oh well, maybe the next one – if there’s gonna be another one.

I must say the movie was really touching. It was so good to see how the characters have developed over the years and of course the dilemmas that came with it. I literally shed some tears of joy and of sadness – especially when Carrie hits Big with her wedding bouquet – because he left her at the Altar - and Charlotte grabbed her and hugged her to console Carrie AND tell Big to get away from her when he tried to talk to her.

Overall, I’d say it’s worth the wait. The girls are as fabulous as they used to be – with better clothes, better shoes and cosmopolitans still.

Michael Buble Concert = AWESOME

Over that same weekend, I went to Michael Buble’s concert at Challenge Stadium with three of my friends (Fang, Meli & Moni). I’ve always loved Buble – he gives me goosebumps everytime I hear him sings haha. It must be cool to be Emily Blunt *sigh*, maybe Buble sings to her all the time.

The concert was awesome. Buble is not only a singer, he’s an entertainer! He joked around, engaged with his audiences very well. He even ‘made up’ scenes – like when he was saying that he is sick from singin and disappear to the backstage… then one of his bandmates who played the saxophone (I think) took over the singing, and Buble came out looking jealous and not amused. That was hilarious.

The highlight of my concert is not Buble though… it was his opening act, Naturally 7. There are a bunch of guys from New York who do vocal play. It’s like a more advanced acapella group. They LITERALLY do their whole song by only their voices – no instruments. They imitate guitar, saxophones, harmonica, turn table, bass, trombone, etc etc. It was phenomenal! I left the concert early to caught them having their meet & greet event. I ended up buying their DVD and got all seven to sign it! YAYYYY :D

Life = NOT SO GREAT

Lately I have this… umm.. thing. A thing that contradicts with my principle. I’ve tried to shake it off, but it won’t go away. I’ve tried to ‘surrender it all in God’s hands’ but being a mere mortal, I kind of couldn’t. It’s when you don’t want to think about the pink elephant in the room, that you actually think about the pink elephant in the room – if you know what I mean.

And yes, kind of make me feel that I will never be good enough. For anything (or anyone), that is. Oh well, not everyone has to know about this, but I blabbed about it anyway. I just have to get it off of my chest, that’s all. C’est La Vie. So help me, God.

Oh yes, I almost forgot…

Our Foodie Link is going to commence very very soon :) It’s a ‘care group’ program from my church that facilitate for people to express their interest. And yep, nothing tickles my tastebuds more than good food. I’m joining forces with Carol Rode from Oh-For-The-Love-Of-Food in building this Foodie link. I have high hopes for it! Come and join us if you live in Perth and love food. This is the Fatkins Diet.. you won’t lose weight but you’ll have a great time! Haha.

Anyhoo… it’s 3:31 pm and I’m still at the office… waiting for the clock to hit 5 pm and then I’m outta here!

Thank God It’s Friday :)

My BIG FAT update

Blog of The Month

Hola everyone! :)

One of my favorite free-time activities is blog-walking. I love to visit my friend's blog, my friends' friend's blog, my friends' friend's friend's blog (confused already?). I'm sure you get the idea hehe.

I love to read about their days, their thoughts, their creativities. Most of the time, inspired me to do something, change it or just to create something. After all, in life we are pre-destined to do something - to make a difference in the world. I'm sure a blog is one way to do it.

As you probably noticed, I've put a hit-counter on my blog. To be honest, I'm a little bit surprised to see how many visits I've got for this blog.. It's over 1300! I'm not sure whether that's really what happened, or the hit-counter mis-calculated somehow... but I'm pretty happy. A friend of a friend, which I've been introduced to and met briefly, actually e-mailed me saying that she likes to read my blog and it actually inspired her (you know who you are yaaa.. thanks bgt lho.. I'm very flattered!)

Anyhoo, those kind words from a friend actually gave me encouragement to write more and inspired me to do this 'Blog of The Month' featurette. I want to acknowledge those blogs I've read that entertained me, inspired me and encouraged me :) As the title suggested, I would do this monthly. You are more than welcome to 'refer' me to a certain blog that might be encouraging to you and I will definitely look into it.

So here goes, the first 'Blog of The Month' award goes to...

*drum rolls please*

My very best-friend's blog, 'Crafty Hands' by PangTama.

*applause applause*

I've known her from the first day I arrived in Perth - knew no one, a lil bit scared and intimidated by the fact that I'll be living here alone without my family - but this lovely girl was there and she was one of my first friends in Perth. We lived together for a quite a while, shared hobbies and interests (thank goodness not in guys ya! hahaha) and we've been through a lot. I've seen her grow into a more mature and beautiful *married* woman and it's been an awesome journey being her friend.

Anyhoo, since I first knew her, I've noticed her love for anything crafty and beautiful. She would spend hours looking at Architectural books and admiring them, spend hours playing The Sims to create beautiful 'virtual' home, created something magnificent from scraps - and now, she's beginning to start doing it seriously. Her blog started as a wedding preparation blog called 'Tying-D-Knot' which mainly records her wedding preparations, and some random thoughts in her mind. But as her love for crafts grew, she dedicated her blog more to her crafts now which I totally dig! Check out her blog for some seriously wicked crafts such as beads, clutches, pillow-cases and bags - and yes, she accept orders as well!

She wanted to actually have a proper business involving crafts. She has one at the moment, along side my other beautiful friend, Lisyen. But I'm sure that Fang will actually make it one day - be someone she wants to be and do something that she loves for a living :)

So there you go friends, the Blog of The Month for June. Be sure to visit her blog and leave her encouraging comments. I am hoping to keep this feature every month dilligenty and please please feel free to recommend good blogs to me!

Long weekend is over (what a bummer!) and I'm off to la-la-land now because tomorrow is working-my-ass-off day again. I hope you guys had a great long weekend. I'll be sure to post about mine here in my blog shortly, so stay tuned!

Have a good night everybody! Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite :)

Blog of The Month

If Only by Shahril Nizam

I found this poem written in my lil sis blog - which is still under construction, it's literally blank with nothing in it yet - so I won't give you guys the address until she says she's ready to 'share' her blog with the rest of the world (please let it be soon, dear sis!).

Anyway, this poem is writted by Shahril Nizam, a Malaysian poet, who is relatively quite young. You can read all about him here. My lil sis promised to get me his book in Malaysia because I'm afraid they didn't sell his books here... So, I'm waiting on your promise alrite sisss?? I found this poem VERY romantic and sad at the same time. I think it described that 'agony' and 'desperation' of being in love and wanting to let that someone know about it (or not).

What can I say, I am a hopeless romantic at heart :P

If Only (For Love)

If our hearts were to meet,
Let them fall at my feet,
For I’d gain with good measure,
All my pain for this pleasure –

And I shall embrace,
The grim and the grace;
Our earth and the ether;
The nay and the nether –

Through life’s shifting dunes,
Or time’s passing moons
I’d take this fair journey,
For love and love only. –

(by Shahril Nizam, "If Only", Page 137)

If Only by Shahril Nizam

Oh glorious weekend!

'Yellow' everyone!

Finally, the long weekend is here! I'm sooooooooooo happy. I'm determined to enjoy my oh-so-very-short 'holiday' to the max. I'm planning to:

- Finish 'When God Writes Your Love Story' book

- Go to the gym on Saturday morning (pump + combat combo!

- Dye my hair (yeap, my roots are showing!)

- Do major-clean up in the house

- Finished delayed craft projects

- Indulge in DVDs and K-Dramas... hihihi :)

- Sleep in on Monday morning and doing absolutely nothing for the whole day (aside from gym)

- Finished blog layout design requests (I will post the finished 'products' here later on)

- Spend some time with my beloved friends and do goofy things together! always fun!

- Call my mom (again!) and chat chat chatty-chat

- Annoy my lil sis :P through unimportant MSN conversations

- Look for inspiration for new designs and projects

- Make that long-awaited Tiramisu for my friends (if I'm not lazy... hahaha)

Or...

Stuff the entire list, just relax and do whatever comes :P

Anyhoo, in regards of 'celebrating' the arrival of long weekend, my friends and I tried on the new Korean restaurant in Victoria Park last night. It was... ALL YOU CAN EAT. Oh my goodness! This place is bad for me! And true enough, I kept on eating and eating and eating - and now my tummy is bulging. Gosh. But it was good :P

To tell you the truth, I am in the process of launching another blog that my friends thought I should do. I've set up the name and everything, however, there are bits of things that I need to 'get' before I could even start the blog... to name a few, a proper digital camera to take pictures for the blog. I never owned my own digicam (ok, laugh all you wantttt), always wanted one - since I gave up on my mobile's camera. It's pathetic *sigh*.

I am currently in love with Nikon's Coolpix 10 megapixel camera... but it costs a fortune hey. My mom and dad are going to China really really soon and I've been told that it's waaaaaaaaay cheaper there, so I told her to get one for me. I hope they get it! Consider it as an early birthday present, hey mom?

Ok, I think I'm going to stop here. Oh by the way, if you noticed below, I've inserted a 'signature' at the end of my post. This signature is going to be in every post I made because I think it 'personalises' the post more... And, to all drivers out there, be careful when you drive, double demerit points this long weekend, guys!

Have a great LONG weekend, everybody. Til then :)

Oh glorious weekend!

Seriously not my day.

Mood: @#$%^&*!!

Listening to: Estelle (feat Kanye West) - American Boy

There are two things that totally bummed me out today.

My leave application for late August was not approved by my boss.

I was planning to go back to Indonesia in late August to be with my family, because during October-February we were not allowed to take any leave at work due to busy times at work during those months, which is fair enough. So, I thought to myself "maybe it's a good idea to go home late August since my sis will have her holiday too, so we can be together in Indo for a couple of weeks".

With great expectations, I've submitted my leave application form last week to my boss to find out today that it was not approved! The reason was because I haven't been there for a year, that means I'm not 'entitled' for annual leave. However, that guy who works in the workshop - which hasn't work with us a year (maybe, nearly - but not quite) has already have around 4 weeks holiday before this month AND he's leaving for another 2 weeks holiday next week! I'm like... what the heck is happening??!! this is so unfair! :(

I told my mum just now, and she was quite sad about the idea of us not being able to be with each other in August... however, she really wants to see me, so she said she wants to go here around that time to visit me, with my dad and my lil sis! yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!! I miss them so much I could cry, honestly! My dad has never been to Perth before, and he's so eager to see the landscape (he can't help himself, really. What's an Architect to do, hey?) in Perth, which I believe is one of the best in the world.

So, fingers crossed! Hopefully they will be able to come here and see me...

Due to *new* company policy, Internet and E-mail are RESTRICTED for private use.

Okay, let's face it... we - working class people - loved to forward funny e-mails and browse here and there when we feel that we 'had enough for the moment' and needed time to unwind. We e-mailed each other at work, just talking about random stuff to boost up our mood, or to organize what we should be doing on the weekend and what not. I was one of those people.

I think it was bad luck, my boss noticed the 'excessive amount of Internet usage' that's coming out and to my address. Most of them are forwarded e-mails (which made my day and also my colleagues, mind you) and of course, the occassional browsing on the internet when I feel bored and have nothing to do. She reckons that it slowed down the productivity of the company, EVENTHOUGH she admits that I've done a fabulous job in my department and never lack of anything.

So... she gave me a formal warning. A stupid FORMAL WARNING of using the Internet. Seriously, I think this is ridiculous. We need a break every now and then, and funny e-mails helped us to do just that! Sure, I can totally stopped the browsing, but WHAT IF I need to check something urgently in my bank account through the Internet? It's not like I'm on the net for hours and hours, and not doing my job. I concentrate on the job until it's finished, and when it's finished and I don't have anything to do.. then I browse for a couple of minutes. That's it! Gosh, I'm so pissed off. What she didn't know that my colleagues done the same thing, and I was the one who 'got caught'. Totally unfair.

Whoo-sahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I have nothing left to say. Honestly, I'm just so pissed off now. Thank goodness for combat class - to channel my 'anger' and 'rage' into jabs, hooks, upper-cuts, front-kicks, jump-kicks, side-kicks, roundhouse-kicks, etc etc. T'was a good exercise today. But... I got so hungry I actually ate Indomie for dinner. There goes my effort to lose calories *sigh*.

Oh well, Thursday's here. One more day before the long weekend is here. Hang in there, friends!

xoxo

Seriously not my day.

Update - and more updates

Good morning, Upper-East Siders :)

As you might have noticed, I slightly changed my blog appearance a lil bit. You can tell that I was bored, hey? I loved the banner my lil sis made for me, however I just felt that I need a little change in my oh-so-stagnant life. So my blog was the first one I ‘renovated’. The new banner is much simpler than the old one – because I feel that I need some simplicity in my life. I kinda like the effect that the pattern of my background is embedded into the letters – make the title kind of like it was cut out from the white ‘paper’ that I ‘wrote’ my blog on, doncha think?

I also changed the title of my blog into ‘Pretty Little Corner’. The reason is simple, because I wrote my blog post usually in my room which is in the corner of the house, and I considered my room as pretty (a girl has to take pride in her room!). It’s my fortress of solitude – where all the sleeping in and being lazy happened thoughts and ideas come out of nowhere. One day I’ll post pictures of my ‘pretty little corner’ here for you to see.


Anyway, on a more random note, I’ve watched Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of Crystal Skull last night with friends. I’ve been adoring Indy’s adventures since I was a kid and been watching all three movies over and over again. My favourite out of three was The Last Crusade. I reckon that was the funniest – perhaps because Sean Connery was there starring as Indy’s father, which added major points to the comic relief. I’ve always been fascinated by adventure stories like these and Indy is definitely one of my favourite.

However…

I was disappointed when I watched The Kingdom of Crystal Skull. I expected the usual Indiana’s style of adventure – with artefacts, ancient history, the puzzles, the riddles and what not. This one didn’t have enough of it. Instead, there’s Extra Terrestrial involved in this. I’m like ‘what the?’. Me no likey. Maybe because Steven Spielberg directed this movie – he just couldn’t resist to put a lil bit of ET in it? Or maybe I was expecting too much of this movie…

Well, to my consolation, there’s the hot Shia LaBeouf in it, so I’m pretty much consoled HAHA. But yes, despite all that, it’s good to see Indy in action again with his trademark fedora hat and that famous theme song – and who would’ve thought he would marry Marianne Ravenwood (from Raides of The Lost Ark) and found out that he had a son! Hmm… what are the chances of Shia LaBeouf becoming the next Indiana Jones (they did share the name Henry Jones :P).

Oh yes, this weekend is LONG WEEKEND.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

I’m so looking forward to itttttttttttttttt (notice the excitement in my tone? hehe)

I have so many things I want to do this weekend. I've finished the new episodes of Gossip Girl all the way, also 2nd season of Heroes and Psych. Carol lend me the korean drama 'Princess Hours' too, so maybe that's my next indulgement for this weekend? I am known of my capabilities to wrap up the entire season of TV series in one hit :P.

Too excited, I don’t even know where to start... I’ll keep you posted!

Over and out people, have a great day!

xoxo

Update - and more updates

Persuasion

“…there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved”

(Jane Austen's "Persuasion", Chapter 8, Pharagraph 3)

Persuasion

Simpletons

Mood: thoughtful

Listening to: Colbie Caillat - Magic

Aloha people!

A friend of mine forwarded this email to me with a video of a cute lil baby boy who laughed histerically over paper-tearing! It's hilarious to see how he laughed - seemed like he was enjoying himself so much he didn't care about anything else. It's true, baby does not need expensive toys, so we could forget Toy shopping for Christmas and birthdays for them?

Anyway, it got me thinking. When was the last time we laughed like he laughed? When was the last time you enjoyed simple pleasures in life without getting distracted by your routines or responsibilities? Since when did we become 'complicated' and not being the 'simpletons' that we were?

Ah, I remembered when I was a little girl. I had a happy childhood, I must say. I remembered of not having to care about the world's problems, of not feeling like you have the burden of the world on your shoulders. The only problems you face were whether you are able to watch your favorite cartoon without finishing your homework first (turned out to be that you CAN'T *sigh*), whether your mum and dad would buy you that toy you want so badly (and for my case, it was a Goggle Pink figurine... I know) or what to play with your friends on a weekend afternoon.

As we grow up, our eyes has been opened to all the imperfections of life. People disappointed you, friends betrayed you, your plans don't work, you're not happy with yourself and so on and so forth. How did we get here? How did we forget to love life itself? We only have one shot in life, better make it count, right?

Life is complicated as it is, do not complicate it even more. Keep it simple. Live your day one day at a time. Sure, you've set your short-term and long-term goals - keep trying to fulfill it at your best capabilities, but don't stress yourself too much. Yeah, I'm preaching to the choir. Being an overthinker, I often stressed myself out. I think about things too much, feel too much, and without I realize it, I've depressed myself. I forgot how to 'enjoy' life and all the things that comes with it. After all my blog does entitled 'Life, Love and Laughter' and I should live up to it.

What are my simple pleasure in life... I asked myself that very question tonight. I believe that it's your friends and family who made your world, no matter where. Perth - as boring as it is - seemed so much more fun when you have your loved ones around you. Your joys seemed to doubled and your sorrows seemed to eased.

I hope that we all could laugh like that lil cute baby everyday of our lives :)

xoxo

Simpletons

Insomnia

Mood: lost?
Listening to: One Republic - Stop & Stare

Have you ever had one of those sleepless nights when your mind just keep wandering off and your brain - magically - couldn't stop thinking and by the time you look at the clock it's time to wake up and get ready for work?

I just had one of those episodes last night. I slept around 1 am, and to my dismay, woke up at 4:30 am - and just couldn't go back to sleep. I stayed in bed the whole time, tried to close my eyes, turning around here and there, fixed my pillow, counted sheeps, and what not - but still, I was awake. This could only mean : I am stressing, worrying and freaking out about things. Overthinker, that's what I am.

I have been dealing with this certain issue most of my life. It's weird because sometimes we don't seem to learn from our own mistakes. Even though I've tried SO HARD to avoid it, to fix it, to plan ahead, cut back on things and stuff - the issue seems not to have left you. It brings you down, it haunts you in moments that you've least expected it to happen and certainly, you don't need that to happen. You've got enough in your plate - and usually, your default reaction will be "Oh, GREAT! Now this happen? Could it be any worse?!!"

To be honest, I'm not happy with myself at the moment. I know I shouldn't - but I can't help it. It frustrates me that I seem to have not yet achieve anything major in my life - academically, financially, spiritually, mentally - pretty pathetic for someone my age. I can't really complain about it though since most of what I'm facing right now were results from careless decision making. So yea, have to live with the consequences, I guess. That's seems fair. But I've had enough! I'm trying to move forward but it feels like I'm going nowhere.

They say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" - but sometimes you think enough is enough. It's like we want the quick fix, the shortcut to make it all go away. Oh, how I wished I could talk to a butterfly and ask how did it feel being trapped in the cocoon for so long before the catepillar morphed into a butterfly? how painful was the process of the ugly duckling growing up into a beautiful swan? I don't think I will ever be a swan or a butterfly. It feels like I'm stuck in a middle of nowhere, not knowing where to go or what's the next step to take. Selfishly, I want to be happy with my life, not just feel content about it.

Or maybe, I am too proud to admit that I couldn't do it by myself? I thought I've learned that God's powers are way greater than human? I've thought that I have faith in Him? My plate's full and I refused to give it away to God? He did say "cast all your anxieties on Me and I will give you peace". I thought I was doing that already? Apparently not.

Was I just blabbering and making no sense at all?

Haha. Blame my lack of sleep last night. Oh well, I'll just enjoy my dark chocolate now - my aphrodisiac and hopefully I feel better by the end of the day. It's tough being an overthinker :P

Happy Thursday everyone, tomorrow's Friday. YAAAAAAAAY :)

xoxo

Insomnia

My huckleberry friend, moonriver and me

Hello guys!

Just wanting to share with you guys one of my favorite songs, from one of my favorite movies, sung by one of my favorite actresses - the late Audrey Hepburn. Who could get enough of Breakfast At Tiffany's, My Fair Lady or Sabrina?

They don't make movies like these anymore, do they? Classic, effortlessly beautiful and timeless. Audrey Hepburn sure was a beauty - so chic, elegant and classy. I don't think anyone could ever have the same charm as her.

Anyway, here's a short clip from the movie 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' with the famous song 'Moonriver'. I still got goosebumps everytime I watch the movie! So I hope you guys will love it as much as I do... Where's my huckleberry friend?

Moon river wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style someday

You dream maker, you heartbreaker

Wherever you're going, I'm going your way...

Two drifters off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after the same rainbow's end

Waiting round the band

My huckleberry friend, moon river

And me...

***

My huckleberry friend, moonriver and me

Love of my life

Today (11/05/08) is Mother's Day in Australia. So I just want to say Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there (and mother-to-bes). Come on guys, don't forget to tell your mum that you love her and take her out or something for the day. Shower her with praises, compliments, gifts, you name it - as you would need to do everyday.

Due to this occassion, I would like to introduce the most special person in my life to you. My dearest mommy. I haven't talk about her much in this blog, but I really want you to know what sort of person she is and why she means more than the world to me.

Mom & I - at my graduation day which she said was one of the proudest moments in her life

I know I know, I looked nothing like her. She's tall, has sort of 'dutch' foreign look (as my grandfather's dad had dutch genetics in him - blame my dad's strong chinese genetics on why I don't look like my mom at all!), slender and very calm. She's exactly the opposite of me who's reckless, loud and a lil bit of a daredevil. She's quite a shy person and she's really nice to everyone - again, nothing like me :P

I am very close to my mom - especially since I'm the eldest in the family. My mom, my lil sis and I would spend the night talking to each other in her bedroom about random stuff, laughing at each other, doing silly faces or just watching whatever show that's on the TV while she dozed off to sleep and I will annoy her until she wakes up hehehe. We love the same food, had the same taste in clothes, same size of shoes, tops and pants (not anymore, I think! I'm way fatter than she is).

Of course, like any normal child, despite my closeness with her, there are times I considered her as 'annoying'. The time when she gets naggy, especially. "You are too fat, you HAVE to go on a diet and lose 10 kgs!" - "Why do you have pimples in your face, put some acne cream on!" - "Don't eat too much." - "Save up, don't go shopping all the time!" - "No, you cannot have this." - "You have to set an example for your sister." and what not. Oh, how I loved for her not to be around me at those times. I guess, living far away from your family do have its benefit. You became independent and not depended on your parents anymore. You can do pretty much whatever you want without needing their approval and stuff.

About two years ago, my mom found a lump on her left breast. She refused to get it check despite the countless effort and 'nagging' from me and my sis to get it looked at by a specialist due to reasons like 'I don't want to spend more money on silly stuff like this - I want your sister to get into a good school'. Still, in the midst of her sickness, she thinks of other people. She still managed to tell me not to worry as she would be fine. Thanks to my lil sis, she managed to get my mom to see a doctor - and there it was... the verdict. She was diagnosed with a stadium three breast cancer.

After the diagnoses, my mom went through a painful chemo process. She became thin, her skin was darker, she had bigger eye bags, and of course, the scary hair-loss. She will vomit all the time and then she finally shaved her hair completely. The sad thing is, I wasn't there. I wasn't there with her through the whole process. I was here, in Perth, working. I really wanted to come home but I couldn't afford to do it. It was so hard knowing that she suffered so much and I wasn't there even if I really want to - like how she was there everytime I was sick, nurturing me back to health.

Dad, my lil sis and mom - during her chemo

I actually considered on going back for good to Indonesia to be with her, but she rejected the idea. "Life is so much better for you in Australia. Stay there and make it work. I know you can do it..".

Seeing her sick - hurts me a lot. Made me realize how much I love my mom. She meant more than the world to me, I wouldn't trade her with anyone else or for anything else. I would rather hear her nagging me all the time rather than not hearing her voice at all. She's my role-model, one of the bravest women I've ever known. The one that loved me for who I am not for who I could be. The one who no matter what, will support me. Everything seems so much easier and lighter when I'm with her and she said it all the time... "My greatest joy is to have my two daughters here with me...". She is my greatest joy and it's sad that I have to realize this because she was not well.

I don't know what I would do if she's not here with me anymore. If she's not with me, how can I be me?

She had her left breast taken out and the doctors told her that she was 'clean'. However, recently they found something in her left shoulder... and both of her arms started to ache and hurt. The doctors don't know what it is yet - however she was told that it might be the cancer, spreading. Oh God, please no...

To be honest, at this very minute, I am worried about her. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Oh, how I long to be with her... and held her in my arms, telling her that I will be with her every step of her ways. She needs to fight this for herself... and just because I am selfish, for me. Because I could not exist if she's not with me.

The one thing that I ask from God is this... please let her remember that I love her forever and ever and not let her forget that. Please grant me time, to be with her and to actually make her proud. Please let her know that she's not alone. Please let her know that she means everything to me. Please allow me to repay her love and kindness. I'd do anything to keep her with me as long as I can. So friends, please do pray for her as well... I really need all the prayers that my mom could get, I know that God listens to our prayers...

So, mommy... Happy Mother's Day. I am thanking God for the beautiful mom He has blessed me with. You are beautiful and strong, inside and out. I couldn't ask for a better mom than you... It hurts me seeing you hurt, and although I'm not there in body - I am constantly praying and thinking about you and I would NEVER stop loving you. You are, indeed, the love of my life. Please be well... I don't want to be without you. I wish you were here with me or I was there with you. So many things I want to tell you, so many things I want to achieve for you. Let me live my dreams for you - and I want you there watching me as I live it.

I love you, mom. Always have, always will.

Missing you each and everyday,

your daughter.

PS: You know those times when I told you to not treat me like a child anymore? Guess what... I am still your little girl and there won't be a time that I don't need you by my side.

***

Love of my life

A Tear & A Smile

I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart

for the joys of the multitude.

And I would not have the tears that sadness makes to flow

from my every part turn into laughter.

I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding

of life's secrets and hidden things.

A smile to draw me high to the sons of my kind

and to be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;

a smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

I would rather that I died in yearning and longing

than that I lived weary and despairing.

I want the hunger for love and beauty

to be in the depths of my spirit,

for I have seen those who are satisfied the most wretched of people.

I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and longing,

and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

With evening's coming the flower folds her petals and sleeps,

embracing her longing.

At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet the sun's kiss.

The life of a flower is longing and fulfillment.

A tear and a smile.

The waters of the sea become vapor and rise

and come together and are a cloud.

And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys

until it meets the gentle breeze,

then falls weeping to the fields and joins with the brooks

and rivers to return to the sea, its home.

The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting.

A tear and a smile.

And so does the spirit become separated from the greater spirit

to move in the world of matter

and pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow

and the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death

and return whence it came...

To the ocean of Love and Beauty --- to God.

(Kahlil Gibran - A Tear & A Smile, 1914)

***

A Tear & A Smile

Soul Searching

Mood: nostalgic

Listening to: Lingua - Bila Ku Ingat

As you might have noticed on my sidebar to your right - I've been reading a book by Eric & Leslie Lundy titled "When God Writes Your Love Story". I haven't finished the book yet (half way through! I'm planning to finish it by this weekend) but this book has made me think about stuff that I don't actually want to think about (or I deny to think about?).

Everyone needs someone. A soulmate, as they call that certain person. They even have an entry in the Dictionary. According to them, a soulmate is a person with whom one has a strong affinity/attraction. The origin of this 'soulmate' concept was not clear, but I found as I typed the word 'soulmate' in Wikipedia one of the theory of soulmate was from Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium is that that humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

A bit freaky, isn't it? :P

One of the most popular questions that people asked me was "So, have you had a boyfriend yet?", "When are you getting married?", "So, who's the lucky guy?" - and so on and so forth. These questions especially came from my family in Indo. Well, to you guys who are not Asians - it's kind of uncommon for a young lady my age to not have a boyfriend or a fiancee or not planning a wedding (your own, that is). The fact is, almost all of my friends which have the same age (or similar) as mine had been married. And (maybe) it kills my family to see me not even having a boyfriend.

Ok, it's been seven years since I last had one (yeap, it was in highschool. and yes, I'm pathetic!) but I'd rather not rush it. Easy comes, easy goes - they say. Some people called me a 'perfectionist' and I'm too picky... but I think you can never be too careful about these kind of things, right? You don't want to spend the rest of your life with the wrong person and be miserable. Better safe than sorry.

I guess, I'm a bit traumatized by relationships. Most of the one that I had been in left me broken hearted and in tears, even looking at what my parents had been through made me a bit scared to trust that opposite sex. I think I'm cursed that way hahaha. Ironic, really. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying my time being single - exploring my capabilities, my skills, my personality, etc.

But yeah, finally - after years of 'single and fabulous' moments - I do feel a bit lonely, especially when most of the friends your age are married (or planning one), building houses together, went on to family dinners from both side of the family - it kind of singled you out even though they didn't mean to. Luckily, I have my friends here which, even though they are married or planning to get married soon, they didn't ruled you out of activities and we actually get along really really well (too well sometimes, haha).

Because of that book, I'm beginning to 'think' about it a lot... After all, I am turning 24 this year and it'd be nice to have someone in your life (apart from your family n friends) that you can count on. I am waiting on God's appointed time to actually meet the appointed one. Let God take your pen away from you, and write you a beautiful Love Story that would last forever...

Incompatible, it don't matter though

'cos someone's bound to hear my cry

Speak out if you do

You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable

Is already in my life?

Right in front of me

Or maybe you're in disguise?

Who doesn't long for someone to hold

Who knows how to love you without being told

Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end

How do I find the perfect fit

There's enough for everyone

But I'm still waiting in line

(Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate)

xoxo

Soul Searching

If the shoe fits, wear it.

Mood: impatiently waiting for Friday

Listening to: Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown - No Air

If there's one thing I can fill up my wardrobe with, it would be shoes. Please ask my friends around - I do have a thing for shoes. Why? Because no matter how fat we get, how old we get - shoes, will always be the same. Most of my clothes are pretty safe and plain, but I always play it up with shoes (and bags, and accessories - yes I'm big on those things!). I love my shoes, and my shoes love me. The feeling's mutual, you see :)

I watched Sex And The City reruns last night on Arena channel. The episode was when Carrie lost her beloved 'Sedaraby' Manolo Blahnik (pictured here) at a party where she was forced to take them off - and some girl with (obviously) excellent taste in shoes ran off with her beautiful new silver-sparkly shoes. Carrie was devastated and told the host of the party - however, instead of offering to pay Carrie back for the lost Manolo, she refused to do so and told her that "I don't need to pay for your extravagant lifestyle". The host used to be one of the Manolo devotees - until she got married and have kids.

However, Carrie spent a lot of money for this host. She bought her engagement presents, wedding presents, and of course baby shower gifts for child number one, two, and the latest - three. She spent a significant amount of money for this woman, and this woman refused to pay back $485 for her lost Manolo Blahnik. While Carrie respected and celebrated the host's life choices, the host refused to celebrate Carrie's.

Sometimes in life, we forgot to celebrate other people's life choices - or to just simply understand what they are going through. Of course, we all have our own opinions on things - and maybe some time, we are right. But you won't ever know and fully understand what they are going through unless you are in their shoes.

For example, I have this girl at work (to protect her privacy, let's call her Miss R) who has very wealthy parents and leads very extravagant lifestyle. Her shoes is Chanel, her bag is Balenciaga, her sunnies is Chloe, her necklaces and rings are Tiffany's, and so on and so forth. Sure, there's nothing wrong with being rich - and when you got it, flaunt it - which is very humanly for everyone. It's our pride, and God forgives, sometimes we can't help it.

Then one day, I was out for a walk at lunch time with her, and my other colleagues. We went to Target, and I saw this really cute open toe black patent sling-back shoes which was on sale for $20. I was so excited, and when I tried it on, it did look good! But as I expressed my excitement and my intention on buying it, Miss R said to me "Annie, what are you doing buying cheap shoes???!!!" with a disgusted look on her face. I was speechless, but then my other colleague, Alison, said "buying cheap stuff is fun, and when you get tired of them or they wore out, you could just chuck them in the bin without feeling guilty." and Miss R was laughing.

That's not the first time she said it. She hurts many people in this matter, when she expressed her 'objection' of the 'cheap stuff' that we are wearing. Well, too bad so sad - not all of us has rich parents to begin with, and not all of us still got monthly allowances from our parents (and they still pay for our rent/mortgages). Sure, life will be beautiful if all of us could have those - but unfortunately not.

People lead different lives - therefore, people have different situations. We need to stop expecting (and sometimes, forcing) people to come up to our standard. People are born unique - different capabilities, different calling in their lives, different talents, different point of view of things, different desires, different dreams/goals. The best thing we need to do as a friend is understanding them - because sometimes they just need to be understood and listened to without us strongly expressing our opinions.

Sure, we will always pray for them and support them in prayer, but it's time for us to start wearing their shoes and ponder how does it feel like walking in them.

Of course, life is a perpetual learning process. That's why it needs time for us to learn this, but the point, my friends, is that we are learning.

xoxo

If the shoe fits, wear it.

Hello, Sunflower...

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date:

Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimmed;

And every fair from fair sometimes declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;

Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

(Sonnet #18 - William Shakespeare)

***

Hello, Sunflower...

Bittersweet Symphony

Mood: blessed ^_^
Listening to: The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony


Everyone knows that I love to eat. I love to snack. I love to nibble. And one of my favorite treats while relaxing is dark chocolate. No, I don't like milk chocolate or white chocolate. I only love dark ones. Apparently eating a small bar of dark chocolate is really good for your health. Afterall, chocolate is an aphrodisiac - it produces endorphine, the happyderm. That's why it's very effective to eat chocolate during your mood swings, it helped to calm your nerves down (ok ok, mine mostly!).

And why dark chocolate, did you say? Probably because it has a unique taste - a combination of bitter and sweet into one. It doesn't get you naseous (as you do if you eat anything too sweet). Dark chocolates are good for the heart, the blood circulation, improve digestion and stimulate kidney, and so much more. It's like the perfect bittersweet symphony - that makes you happy :)

Life is like that sometimes, isn't it? Forrest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get." Indeed, life is a bittersweet symphony. Sometimes you're on top of the world, you've got everything going on for you - but then one minute later, you're in your lowest darkest valley and you feel like nothing (or no one) could pull you back.

Last Sunday, Ps Mike Rumende (the newest addition to The ROCKS family, welcome Ps Mike!) shared about being in sync with God's purpose - and how that road to the 'There' He has prepared for us won't be smooth. Sometimes He would take the highway, rather than 'my way' - full of obstacles, trials, examinations - until you've reached the Promised Land.

Ps Mike pointed out some interesting illustration about this - this particular one appealed to me the most. It's an extract from the book of Exodus - 15:25. It was when the Israelites were thirsty and they had no decent water to drink. The water was bitter, so Moses cried out to God, asking for His help - and He delivered a wood. Moses threw the wood into the water, and the water becomes sweet. "There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them."

Our lives were once like that bitter water. We couldn't drink from it so our thirst were not quenched. We cried out to someone - that higher power that created Heaven and Earth. He sent the Wood - which is Jesus Christ to rescue us. Our lives are paid in full by His Blood. He gave us that privilege to sit at the right hand of God - equal to Himself, as God's sons and daughters. That wood made the water sweet - and so does Jesus to our lives.

Bitterness is essential. Trials, disappointments and those obstacles are essential for our growth. To actually living God's purpose - we need to be dependant on Him. To always have that 'point of desperation' that allows God to show His powers and to perform His miracles in our lives, until we have that 'The Lord is my ______' moments. Only if we let God be who He is - that our lives will be changed, our circumstances will be won over.

I am very blessed to say that, today, the Lord has answered one of my prayers - in a time period which is unbelievable since I was just praying about it two nights ago. When I found out about this answer to my prayer - I couldn't say anything. I was speechless, and I almost cried (but that wouldn't be funny since I was at work!) but God has perform a breakthrough. When He ensured me that He is mighty to save me, He is indeed! Everything will be beautiful in His time - and I'm still waiting on Him to showed me the way to my Promised Land.

The truth is.. if I hadn't make that mistake in my life and reached that desperation, I wouldn't call on God to help me (Heck, I would be a major hypocrite) and He wouldn't have a platform to perform His miracles... How awesome is that!

Life is a bittersweet symphony. But only when you acknowledge that bitterness and overcame it, you will appreciate the sweetness even more when it comes. Now, that's what I call an aphrodisiac :)

***

Bittersweet Symphony

Sweetness

Juno MacGuff: I think I'm in love with you.

Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?

Juno MacGuff: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...

Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.

(A conversation between two friends - "Juno")

Sweetness

Second Chance

Once upon a time - not long ago from today - there was a girl. A girl who claimed that she's a Christian. It has been 6 years since she received the free gift of salvation from Jesus Christ into her heart. At first, she was on fire. The fire burned ever so strongly. She enjoyed that moment, she was in love after all. This Jesus Christ she knew, changed her life. Changed her beliefs, her perspective and her priorities - for that moment.

Years gone by, she served 'faithfully' in her home church. At first, she was just in the choir. She always enjoyed singing since she was young. Then it grew - she was the singer and now she was one of the worship leader in the church. Not only in the worship team, she was in the creative team of special events in her church - camp, Christmas musicals, Easter, you name it.

Sure, to her fellow church members she looked fine. Looked like she had everything together. Little did they know, she was not okay. Everything went wrong. She did not have it together - far from it. Yes, she still served week after week. But that 'fire'... that 'passion' was not there anymore. She saw her ministry as her obligation. Something that she just needs to do - because she had to. She had 'no choice' but to do it.

Deep inside, she knew there is something wrong with her. She was a hypocrite, you can say that. She shook it off, saying that this was only a phase and that she would go through it. "Life is like a ferris wheel, sometimes I'm up.. and sometimes I'm down. This is my down time, I'll be up again in no time," she said. But, boy, was she wrong. Things went downhill from there - her problems, not only it did not go away, it had gotten worse.

Still, she was too proud to admit that she needed help. She 'pretended' everything is hunky-dori. She still lead worship in church - yes, she can sing - but she knew, the Holy Spirit wasn't there anymore. She lost it and she did not want to admit that she did. "I'll just play along," she thought. Afterall, she is the worship leader. She was not supposed to be like this, people should not know about this.

She was contemplating on going to this year's church camp. "It doesn't seem interesting," she thought to herself. It was on a public holiday, and oh-how she loves her public holidays, her days off from work. But then as she was approached to be in the committee team, she could not resist. She loved event organizing, so "This might be work," she assured herself. So she did. Meetings after meetings, until it was the day before the camp.

Her fellow Christian gathered around to pray for the camp that day. Of course, she had to go, she was one of the committees. She had not pray in such a long time. She had not worship God in such a long time. But that night in the prayer meeting, she suddenly had the urge to pray - to expect something BIG to happen in the camp. A breakthrough is what she needed. And with that, she prayed.

The D-Day had finally arrived. First day of camp went alright, she couldn't sleep that night. The bed was hard, she was worried about the bugs that's around, she was worried about not being able to get up on time to do her 'wake up call' for the campers. She was tired. That whole day was full on. Session after session, the big activity games, the clean up after it, it was exhausting. By the last session of the night she was exhausted.

Her youth Pastor led worship that night. At first, she didn't feel like singing and jumping up and down because she was tired, but she did anyway. What's the difference, she thought to herself. But this time is different. She felt something. Something that she once knew. She once experienced. She missed it. The feeling was so strong, she couldn't explain what it is. She couldn't sing anymore. She couldn't help herself but to cry. He was there. He - whom she ignored. He - whom she forgotten. He - whom she denied. He knocked on her heart once more, asking her whether He could come in or not...

"Admit it, you need Me...", that voice said in her heart. She couldn't lie anymore, she needed Him. She was desperate. She didn't know whoelse to turn to. "I was here all along, but you didn't let Me in...", the voice echoed. She broke down. That was it - the whole truth. She did not let Him in. She did not let Him be who He is. She was not strong, she was weak. She was a nobody - but to Him, she is a somebody. She thought He ignored her, but it was the other way around. He's there, all along, waiting for her to call on Him. To admit that she needed Him more than ever.

"Forgive me..." she said. That night, she said the prayer she once prayed. "Please come into my heart," she said. "Please correct me," she said. She didn't know what else to say - but one thing she knows, He understood. He knew everything from the start. He knew what's wrong with her. She did not need to tell Him the whole story, He already knew. He just need her to say it, that she could not do it by herself. He has come to her rescue. And just like that, she felt peace. She felt at ease.

The Servant of God approached her afterwards. He told her things that he wanted to tell her since months ago. He knew because it was revealed to him what she did and went through. He prayed for her, she could only cry. There and then, she asked for forgiveness again. and He gave her a second chance. After the camp, she went home and prayed that night. She praised Him and worshipped Him for everything He has done in her life and for everything that He's going to help her do. "Everything will be alright. Be still and know that I AM." He told her.

This morning, she went to church. She felt at ease, she felt light. The Servant of God pulled her aside and said, "Last night I was praying, and I could sense that you were worshipping God at that moment...". She smiled. "This is only the beginning," she told him. And as she was praising and worshipping God in her church, that song that spoke to her so much was sung by her fellow worship team members... and she felt safe, and right at home.

So it's with everything I am

I reached out for Your hand

The hope, the change, the second chance I've gained

On You I throw my life

Casting all my fears aside

How could greater Love than this

Ever possibly exist...

(Hillsong United - Second Chance)

Second Chance

Go Go Go~!!

Mood: excited!

Listening to: Justin Timberlake feat T.I - Let Me Talk To You/My Love

I am in a state of blurriness as I'm typing this. Why, you ask? Simply because I only slept for four hours last night in total.

Tonight is the start of our church camp - entitled "No Limits". I am part of the committee, so my friends and I had a final meeting last night at church with our pastors as well. We prayed for the camp and sang praises, and then continue on with the preparation for the activities. Ka Ira, San-San and Ci Hulda did a great job in preparing the goodie bags beforehand, so it was ready yesterday when we had the meeting! Good job :)

So, this time I got to be in the Activities Committee - just like the last camp we had. I couldn't spill details on what's gonna happen in the camp but I just want to warn you guys who's coming - be afraid. Be VERY afraid *evil laugh*. And by default, I have to do the morning exercise as well. The so-called 'Senam Kesegaran Jasmani' aka SKJ 88 (translated to english: Body Freshener Aerobics *what the?*). This time I'm going to do Inul's infamous goyang ngebor a combination of stretching, body jam, body combat and who knows, maybe some push-ups and sit-ups as well.

who knows I might get you to lift weights!

Luckily, I have my 'assistant' - Meli - with me this time to do it together, so it's gonna double the suffering fun! We stayed at church last night until 12:30 am, trying to sort out what music to use, what sort of embarassments aerobics movements we're going to have, and so on and so forth. I was soaked with sweat at the end of the night, and have to take shower again when I went back home (mind you, I had already taken a shower right before I went to the meeting!!) and then packed away for the camp - which has not been finished as we speak (I hope I can get it done in time later!).

The funny thing is, I wasn't excited about the camp as I used to at first. I was - to be honest - skeptical about it - because there are way less attendants this time, lack of organizations, and obviously not enough time frame to prepare for it as well. So I was going just for the sake to 'do my job description' and not expecting anything from this camp.

But last night when we prayed together, I felt a sudden urge in my heart to pray for excitement and enthusiasm from the attendants. I did pray for it. It's like God reminded me that, this camp, is not about the events, or how many people are going to attend it. He did say on the bible that even if there's only two or three people who gathered in His name, He will be there with them. The purpose of this camp is to be with God. To reconnect. To go back to basic - the Blesser.

So we prayed. We believe that God is going to do something great in this camp for us! He will do a revival - but only if our hearts are willing to accept it. Afterall, He did give us freewill to make choices. But nonetheless, He will bless us and He will be there with us in the camp - and of course we will have fun!

I came home last night - with expectations and excitement for the camp. I just know for sure that God will answer prayers, will lightened up our paths, will mend the broken heart, will help us to go through whatever our problems are. I can't tell you why I'm so certain, because I just am. Afterall, sometimes you can just 'be' without knowing the reason why, right? :)

Here we go, guys! No limits, no boundaries - break forth, and enlarge our territories. Be excited because we are going to be blessed!

xoxo

Go Go Go~!!