April 29, 2008

Bittersweet Symphony

Mood: blessed ^_^
Listening to: The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

Everyone knows that I love to eat. I love to snack. I love to nibble. And one of my favorite treats while relaxing is dark chocolate. No, I don't like milk chocolate or white chocolate. I only love dark ones. Apparently eating a small bar of dark chocolate is really good for your health. Afterall, chocolate is an aphrodisiac - it produces endorphine, the happyderm. That's why it's very effective to eat chocolate during your mood swings, it helped to calm your nerves down (ok ok, mine mostly!).

And why dark chocolate, did you say? Probably because it has a unique taste - a combination of bitter and sweet into one. It doesn't get you naseous (as you do if you eat anything too sweet). Dark chocolates are good for the heart, the blood circulation, improve digestion and stimulate kidney, and so much more. It's like the perfect bittersweet symphony - that makes you happy :)

Life is like that sometimes, isn't it? Forrest Gump said "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get." Indeed, life is a bittersweet symphony. Sometimes you're on top of the world, you've got everything going on for you - but then one minute later, you're in your lowest darkest valley and you feel like nothing (or no one) could pull you back.

Last Sunday, Ps Mike Rumende (the newest addition to The ROCKS family, welcome Ps Mike!) shared about being in sync with God's purpose - and how that road to the 'There' He has prepared for us won't be smooth. Sometimes He would take the highway, rather than 'my way' - full of obstacles, trials, examinations - until you've reached the Promised Land.

Ps Mike pointed out some interesting illustration about this - this particular one appealed to me the most. It's an extract from the book of Exodus - 15:25. It was when the Israelites were thirsty and they had no decent water to drink. The water was bitter, so Moses cried out to God, asking for His help - and He delivered a wood. Moses threw the wood into the water, and the water becomes sweet. "There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them."

Our lives were once like that bitter water. We couldn't drink from it so our thirst were not quenched. We cried out to someone - that higher power that created Heaven and Earth. He sent the Wood - which is Jesus Christ to rescue us. Our lives are paid in full by His Blood. He gave us that privilege to sit at the right hand of God - equal to Himself, as God's sons and daughters. That wood made the water sweet - and so does Jesus to our lives.

Bitterness is essential. Trials, disappointments and those obstacles are essential for our growth. To actually living God's purpose - we need to be dependant on Him. To always have that 'point of desperation' that allows God to show His powers and to perform His miracles in our lives, until we have that 'The Lord is my ______' moments. Only if we let God be who He is - that our lives will be changed, our circumstances will be won over.

I am very blessed to say that, today, the Lord has answered one of my prayers - in a time period which is unbelievable since I was just praying about it two nights ago. When I found out about this answer to my prayer - I couldn't say anything. I was speechless, and I almost cried (but that wouldn't be funny since I was at work!) but God has perform a breakthrough. When He ensured me that He is mighty to save me, He is indeed! Everything will be beautiful in His time - and I'm still waiting on Him to showed me the way to my Promised Land.

The truth is.. if I hadn't make that mistake in my life and reached that desperation, I wouldn't call on God to help me (Heck, I would be a major hypocrite) and He wouldn't have a platform to perform His miracles... How awesome is that!

Life is a bittersweet symphony. But only when you acknowledge that bitterness and overcame it, you will appreciate the sweetness even more when it comes. Now, that's what I call an aphrodisiac :)



April 28, 2008


Juno MacGuff: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.

(A conversation between two friends - "Juno")


April 27, 2008

Second Chance

Once upon a time - not long ago from today - there was a girl. A girl who claimed that she's a Christian. It has been 6 years since she received the free gift of salvation from Jesus Christ into her heart. At first, she was on fire. The fire burned ever so strongly. She enjoyed that moment, she was in love after all. This Jesus Christ she knew, changed her life. Changed her beliefs, her perspective and her priorities - for that moment.

Years gone by, she served 'faithfully' in her home church. At first, she was just in the choir. She always enjoyed singing since she was young. Then it grew - she was the singer and now she was one of the worship leader in the church. Not only in the worship team, she was in the creative team of special events in her church - camp, Christmas musicals, Easter, you name it.

Sure, to her fellow church members she looked fine. Looked like she had everything together. Little did they know, she was not okay. Everything went wrong. She did not have it together - far from it. Yes, she still served week after week. But that 'fire'... that 'passion' was not there anymore. She saw her ministry as her obligation. Something that she just needs to do - because she had to. She had 'no choice' but to do it.

Deep inside, she knew there is something wrong with her. She was a hypocrite, you can say that. She shook it off, saying that this was only a phase and that she would go through it. "Life is like a ferris wheel, sometimes I'm up.. and sometimes I'm down. This is my down time, I'll be up again in no time," she said. But, boy, was she wrong. Things went downhill from there - her problems, not only it did not go away, it had gotten worse.

Still, she was too proud to admit that she needed help. She 'pretended' everything is hunky-dori. She still lead worship in church - yes, she can sing - but she knew, the Holy Spirit wasn't there anymore. She lost it and she did not want to admit that she did. "I'll just play along," she thought. Afterall, she is the worship leader. She was not supposed to be like this, people should not know about this.

She was contemplating on going to this year's church camp. "It doesn't seem interesting," she thought to herself. It was on a public holiday, and oh-how she loves her public holidays, her days off from work. But then as she was approached to be in the committee team, she could not resist. She loved event organizing, so "This might be work," she assured herself. So she did. Meetings after meetings, until it was the day before the camp.

Her fellow Christian gathered around to pray for the camp that day. Of course, she had to go, she was one of the committees. She had not pray in such a long time. She had not worship God in such a long time. But that night in the prayer meeting, she suddenly had the urge to pray - to expect something BIG to happen in the camp. A breakthrough is what she needed. And with that, she prayed.

The D-Day had finally arrived. First day of camp went alright, she couldn't sleep that night. The bed was hard, she was worried about the bugs that's around, she was worried about not being able to get up on time to do her 'wake up call' for the campers. She was tired. That whole day was full on. Session after session, the big activity games, the clean up after it, it was exhausting. By the last session of the night she was exhausted.

Her youth Pastor led worship that night. At first, she didn't feel like singing and jumping up and down because she was tired, but she did anyway. What's the difference, she thought to herself. But this time is different. She felt something. Something that she once knew. She once experienced. She missed it. The feeling was so strong, she couldn't explain what it is. She couldn't sing anymore. She couldn't help herself but to cry. He was there. He - whom she ignored. He - whom she forgotten. He - whom she denied. He knocked on her heart once more, asking her whether He could come in or not...

"Admit it, you need Me...", that voice said in her heart. She couldn't lie anymore, she needed Him. She was desperate. She didn't know whoelse to turn to. "I was here all along, but you didn't let Me in...", the voice echoed. She broke down. That was it - the whole truth. She did not let Him in. She did not let Him be who He is. She was not strong, she was weak. She was a nobody - but to Him, she is a somebody. She thought He ignored her, but it was the other way around. He's there, all along, waiting for her to call on Him. To admit that she needed Him more than ever.

"Forgive me..." she said. That night, she said the prayer she once prayed. "Please come into my heart," she said. "Please correct me," she said. She didn't know what else to say - but one thing she knows, He understood. He knew everything from the start. He knew what's wrong with her. She did not need to tell Him the whole story, He already knew. He just need her to say it, that she could not do it by herself. He has come to her rescue. And just like that, she felt peace. She felt at ease.

The Servant of God approached her afterwards. He told her things that he wanted to tell her since months ago. He knew because it was revealed to him what she did and went through. He prayed for her, she could only cry. There and then, she asked for forgiveness again. and He gave her a second chance. After the camp, she went home and prayed that night. She praised Him and worshipped Him for everything He has done in her life and for everything that He's going to help her do. "Everything will be alright. Be still and know that I AM." He told her.

This morning, she went to church. She felt at ease, she felt light. The Servant of God pulled her aside and said, "Last night I was praying, and I could sense that you were worshipping God at that moment...". She smiled. "This is only the beginning," she told him. And as she was praising and worshipping God in her church, that song that spoke to her so much was sung by her fellow worship team members... and she felt safe, and right at home.

So it's with everything I am
I reached out for Your hand
The hope, the change, the second chance I've gained

On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater Love than this
Ever possibly exist...

(Hillsong United - Second Chance)


April 24, 2008

Go Go Go~!!

Mood: excited!
Listening to: Justin Timberlake feat T.I - Let Me Talk To You/My Love

I am in a state of blurriness as I'm typing this. Why, you ask? Simply because I only slept for four hours last night in total.

Tonight is the start of our church camp - entitled "No Limits". I am part of the committee, so my friends and I had a final meeting last night at church with our pastors as well. We prayed for the camp and sang praises, and then continue on with the preparation for the activities. Ka Ira, San-San and Ci Hulda did a great job in preparing the goodie bags beforehand, so it was ready yesterday when we had the meeting! Good job :)

So, this time I got to be in the Activities Committee - just like the last camp we had. I couldn't spill details on what's gonna happen in the camp but I just want to warn you guys who's coming - be afraid. Be VERY afraid *evil laugh*. And by default, I have to do the morning exercise as well. The so-called 'Senam Kesegaran Jasmani' aka SKJ 88 (translated to english: Body Freshener Aerobics *what the?*). This time I'm going to do Inul's infamous goyang ngebor a combination of stretching, body jam, body combat and who knows, maybe some push-ups and sit-ups as well.

who knows I might get you to lift weights!

Luckily, I have my 'assistant' - Meli - with me this time to do it together, so it's gonna double the suffering fun! We stayed at church last night until 12:30 am, trying to sort out what music to use, what sort of embarassments aerobics movements we're going to have, and so on and so forth. I was soaked with sweat at the end of the night, and have to take shower again when I went back home (mind you, I had already taken a shower right before I went to the meeting!!) and then packed away for the camp - which has not been finished as we speak (I hope I can get it done in time later!).

The funny thing is, I wasn't excited about the camp as I used to at first. I was - to be honest - skeptical about it - because there are way less attendants this time, lack of organizations, and obviously not enough time frame to prepare for it as well. So I was going just for the sake to 'do my job description' and not expecting anything from this camp.

But last night when we prayed together, I felt a sudden urge in my heart to pray for excitement and enthusiasm from the attendants. I did pray for it. It's like God reminded me that, this camp, is not about the events, or how many people are going to attend it. He did say on the bible that even if there's only two or three people who gathered in His name, He will be there with them. The purpose of this camp is to be with God. To reconnect. To go back to basic - the Blesser.

So we prayed. We believe that God is going to do something great in this camp for us! He will do a revival - but only if our hearts are willing to accept it. Afterall, He did give us freewill to make choices. But nonetheless, He will bless us and He will be there with us in the camp - and of course we will have fun!

I came home last night - with expectations and excitement for the camp. I just know for sure that God will answer prayers, will lightened up our paths, will mend the broken heart, will help us to go through whatever our problems are. I can't tell you why I'm so certain, because I just am. Afterall, sometimes you can just 'be' without knowing the reason why, right? :)

Here we go, guys! No limits, no boundaries - break forth, and enlarge our territories. Be excited because we are going to be blessed!



April 23, 2008

Red and Gold

Mood: so-so
Listening to: Colbie Calliat - Realize

The sky has lost its colour, the sun has turned to grey and the colour of the leaves are red and gold. Yes, my dear friends, autumn is here. No more of those ridiculous summer heat, no more of those 'my-skin-got-darker-by-itself' eventhough I covered it up and certainly no more flies (double yay!).

For some reason, your mood changes as season changed (or is it just me?). In spring, you feel light - because of all the colours in the flowers that bloomed, the birds chirping, blue sky. In summer, you felt the urge to exercise to get the perfect beach body (yea, rite tas), you kinda feel short-fused because of the heat and somehow your energy level is like the energizer bunny.

In autumn, things changed. You felt it's harder to wake up in the morning, you felt the sudden urge to drink that long macchiato every morning (or more coffee, to you who drinks coffee everyday anyway) just for the sake of waking you up, you lost the will to do exercise - you just simply want to snuggle up in your couch, watching sappy movies while you're drinking hot chocolate. And then comes winter, those autumn urges are still there PLUS the never-ending appetite to eat, eat, eat (and Chris with his yummy take on shabu-shabu. hehehe).

It's not only the mood that changed, the colours you wear changed as well. I noticed a lot more of darker colours such as black, navy blue, maroon, dark brown, and so on in winter and autumn. Whilst the pastel colours of spring and bright summery colours are kind-of out of the picture. Also the songs you listen to - I've realized that I've listen to more folksie, light, eerie, tranquil songs (such as the lovely Colbie Calliat - you should download her songs! they're great!) rather than upbeat RnB stuff that I usually listen to during summer (while jazz has been a constant aspect in my life, so that it doesn't count).

And yeah, this morning I woke up to find that it was raining outside, it was freaking cold, and was feeling very very lazy and I couldn't keep my eyes open for more than five minutes. I even dozed off a bit on the bus as it was stuck in traffic (rain = ridiculous traffic in Shepperton Road = feels like Jakarta), came to work late because of that and now.. blogging? Do your work, Tasia!

Am I the only one who felt this way? Or is it anybody out there who feels the same way too? Hello???

The good thing about this weather is, I couldn't wait to wear my jackets, my beanies, my opaque thights and my gloves! so, double yay!

Over and out, peeps.



Totally in love with this song

** It's 12:43 am right now... I really should've gone to bed, gotta wake up early tomorrow for work. At the moment, it's raining outside. I'm cold. I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep. This song has been playing up in my head these past few days, I can't shake it off! I'm in love with this song.

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is crashing down on in
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now

~ Colbie Caillat - Realize

April 22, 2008

A proud one, I am.

Mood: sleepy!
Listening to: Melee - Built To Last

Hello folks!

As you may have noticed, I've got a new banner in my blog. This banner was designed by my super-talented Graphic Designer to be, my very own little sister, Alexandra Talissa.

She's 5½ years younger than me. The quite big age gap made us argue oftenly when we were kids (what are kids to do, right?). We shared the same love for art. At such a young age, both of us loves to draw japanese manga characters - we would spend hours and hours 'imagining' this far far away land - where the characters are named after flowers and seasons - and our mum yelling at the background, telling us to stop drawing and do our homework.

Me & lil missy @ Kuala Lumpur, 2008

But since I went to college, my drawings stopped there. I never practiced again - well, occassionally - but not my sister. She drew and drew, she even taught herself photoshop (and now she's an expert on one, that is!). I took business pathway in University, just like what my mum wanted me to, only to find that I don't like it at all. My mum 'learned her lesson' of not forcing her daughters on what to study, so she let my lil sis took Art in Uni.

And true enough, she mastered it. She's a natural. A great Graphic Designer to be, a great Illustrator and I have never been prouder. Her works at the moment were published in her school's website and she told me yesterday that one of her Typography artwork is going to be in the students exhibition.

Some of my sister's artwork @ Uni

I always wonder to myself, what life would be like if I followed my heart to study design? I always have that passion for art and design, whether it's fashion, graphic or interior. I didn't insist when my mum told me not to take design, or when my dad said 'do not take architecture like I did, you wouldn't sleep for days'. To be honest, until today I still have that regret and 'what-ifs' about Design school. I so want it - I just didn't insist hard enough.

There were times in my Uni years that I struggled so much to finish my subjects. I would broke down in tears, called up my mum and say that I couldn't do it. My mum regretted pushing me to choose business school - like what she did when I was in highschool (I ended up in Economics major, not in Art major which I would like to be). I still ended up as the student with highest Accounting score from the entire school, but mind you, I do not like numbers. Never do, never will. I am planning to go to design school - if it's not too late because I really really want it.

That's why I am so proud of my sister. She nailed it. She followed her heart and she used her potential to the maximum capacity. I am proud on what she achieved, how she's changed and excel in her studies. My mum and I would brag constantly about her 'geniusness' and would admire her artwork for hours.

So there you go! She's on her term break now and bored to death (or so to speak) - so I, being a very understanding sister, decided to use her ask her to do my blog's banner. She did it only in a couple of hours... and it's beautiful! I loved it! but still she said she's not satisfied because she's used to work on things for days until she's completely satisfied (yes, she is a perfectionist, like me).

I hope you like the banner, as I do! Thanks again lil sis :) Love you much!!! Updated my blog with a web counter as well, and also re-designed the profile picture part of the blog... nothing much, but I'm in the process in designing a new layout as a whole and am in the process of launching yet another blog of mine which according to my friends 'you should do this kind of blog' ... so watch this space!!



April 16, 2008

Allow me to be frank

I have no idea why - but this week seemed to move on so sssssllllooooooooowwwwwww. I felt exhausted, and today's just a Wednesday! Oh how I wish today is Friday :(

On a more random note, I feel like crap today. Maybe it's PMS - it automatically turned me into the self-loating-crazy-emo gal. So, hello to all of you who has never seen this side of me. You won't like it. I hate about being this 'dark-side' - I don't like her. She's dark, judgemental, resentful, hateful, envious, and all those things you guys would hate. So beware, proceed with caution!

Gosh, I feel like I'm Nikki from Heroes. Only uglier and waaay fatter.

That's all.


April 14, 2008

Monday morning came too soon!

Hello Upper East Siders,
(ok, I'm officially hooked on Gossip Girl. The new season's coming up on 21st April! yeaaayy)

How was your weekend? I hope everyone had a great one! Mine was busy busy busy and full on. On Friday night, my friends and I went to try out the new Tony Roma's restaurant in CBD. I've always love Tony Roma's - been eating since I was in junior high school back then in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Since it had just opened, I think, last week - they didn't take bookings by phone calls, so we have to physically be there and put our names down and wait impatiently patiently. And so, that was exactly what we did. We waited for around 45 minutes - it was packed! But then the owner felt bad and offered us a free complimentary onion loaf and drinks at the bar while we were waiting, so YAY! that's what you called getting the best from both worlds :)

So anyway, the wait was worth it. The 'Original Baby Back Ribs' was everything I hoped for. Juicy, spicy and yummy! Ka Ira and I shared a full slab of ribs and all of us shared the entree that Jibo ordered (yep, Jibo eats a lot when Xenia's not around. Haha). The night was full of laughter and VERY interesting conversations *wink*. I came home with fuller tummy and lighter steps. Oh, how I love Friday nights - and it was Moni's birthday... so happy happy birthday, Monceeeeeeeee!!! :)

My excitement was captured by Chris that night. Ok, fine. I love food, so what?? :P

Saturday was not like any other Saturdays. I had two parties to attend in one day and one of them was organized by me. So I was practically running around like a mad woman the whole day, trying to get things done! Luckily I had my friends who helped me majorly - thanks guys!

The first party was for Pastor D's birthday which was held at his beautiful house. The food? don't ask - it was top notch! All my favorite Indonesian cooks in Perth (red: Tante Yanti, Tante Retno and Ci Erika!) indulged us me with all those yummy food I missed! I didn't eat a lot, but enough to make me feel bloated and full! So, happy birthday Pastor D! You might be 40 years old now, but you looked young and handsome still! :P

The second party of the day was Sandriana's Appreciation Dinner aka Farewell Party. It was bittersweet for my friends and I, because San-San is a good friend of ours. Liza, Ka Ira, Fang-Fang and I organized her farewell party at Terrazza Nedlands. We also made her a scrapbook full of 'questionnaires' filled by Rockers about her. It was hilarious to see them trying to fill out the questionnaires - they said it was harder than an exam! Haha, sorry guys! :)

Anyhoo, Ka Ira and I decorated the function room we booked upstairs for the party. Because San-San is petite, cute, bubbly and girlie - I've decided to use all pastel colors in the room - dominated by pink. This is how it looks like...

We've used balloons for the all over decoration in the room. I've purchased bunches of light peach and light mauve roses, as well as a yellow and light green... er.. flower (I don't know what it's called!) and made centrepieces combining all four colours. It was pretty! It's very shabby chic! (I'm soooo gonna do it for my wedding. Someday. Somehow. HAHA). We've also borrowed the church's lanterns to put as centrepieces as well. Thankfully, I still have the light pink and light green napkins from Xenia's baby shower that I didn't use - we alternate the two of them together with the cutleries. And for the icing on the cake - butterfly confetties all over the table cloth. For short: it sort of looked like a 'Rose Garden' theme party :P and I absolutely LOVE it!

San-San and her scrapbook - her homework to read for the night :)

I (heart) San-San :: I'm gonna miss this girl so much :(

The girls and I also made a scrapbook for San-San. We handmade thIte cover of the scrapbook - with collages of patterned papers in different kinds of pink - and a dash of bejewelled add-ons. The scrapbook was titled 'San-San & I' - and was finished by Liza in that very afternoon! Thanks heaaaaps, Sasa! :) It looks like that San-San had a lovely night - and that's enough for us :)

It's so sad to see her go - but on the other hand, I'm also excited for her as she will embrace new adventures ahead. She's like a superwoman. Tiny but powerful! There's nothing she cannot do (and I mean it!). She's a great assett to THE ROCKS, a great friend, a great sister-in-Christ and a partner in crime :P I will definitely miss her a lot and the times we've spent together... Don't forget us, San! You will always be our San-San!

And on Sunday - the usual stuff... serving in Church and it was great! Then Liza, Adeline, San-San and I went for a chit-chat girl talk at the Coffee Club in Carousel. Their Coffee Club Baked Cheesecake was the highlight of the afternoon - it was beautiful! We talked and talked for hours - then eventually went home when we realized we spent 4 hours doing that! Anyhoo, I spent the rest of the night at Fang's place - watching TV and eating dinner, catching up with each other. It was Wayne's birthday, by the way - but he's too busy doing his scuba diving thing and didn't have time to catch up with us! BOO!!! Hehehe :P Anyway, happy happy birthday Wendis!

*Pheeeww* that was my weekend. Three birthdays in a row, two parties and one hectic Sunday. And I've got an ever-growing tummy because of too much food intake! There's nothing else I want more than to take a sickie today - but unfortunately I couldn't since it's always so busy on Mondays and I just took a sickie last week. Stupid, stupid girl! Anyhoo, I still think Monday morning always came too soon - and weekends are never enough!

Happy Monday, everyone. Hope yours is better than mine :)



April 08, 2008

And they lived happily ever after?

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Mst people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."
(Meredith Grey, "Grey's Anatomy")

Since I was just a little girl, I love fairytales (don't we all?) I love the fact that the princesses are pretty, there are fairies involved, cute creatures who can sing and dance (and do house chores with you!) and of course, the handsome prince charmings. Most of the time, the story tells you about two different person from two different worlds who overcome the evil witch/the stepmother to be with each other. The bottom line: love conquers all. Ah, such a pretty picture hey?

I used to have this 'faith' or 'picture' that I'm going to get my own happy ending. Y'know.. that 'and they lived happily ever after' part. But I guess that a child-like faith - that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Once you're married - that's it. You ARE going to lived happily ever after and whatnot. Everything will be peaches and cream. It's heaven on earth. You name it.

Here's the thing... Fairytale stories always end when the prince finally married the girl of his dreams, he will swept her away on his white horse, riding off to the sunset. And then the famous line will appear 'and they lived happily ever after'. But what happens after that? A friend of mine asked the same question this afternoon - "Are there mortgages in fairytales?" "what happens next??? did Prince Charming and Cinderella argued on who has to take the trash out this week?" "Did Sleeping Beauty get mad to Prince Phillip because he snored in his sleep?" and so on and so forth.

You know the real story of The Little Mermaid? It's not the one that Disney created where Ariel finally married Prince Eric. The real mermaid died and turned into a foam in the sea because of her unrequited love to the Prince who married the Princess from another kingdom. He never knew that the mermaid loves him.

I came across that quote above from Grey's Anatomy movie and I can't help myself to ponder... I remember how I woke up one day, opened my eyes and the fairytale faded away. I remember how awful that felt - it's like this dream was ripped out of you, that you have to throw that dream unwillingly. You came across unrequited love, betrayal, broken-heartness, unfaithfulness, lies and so many things that disappointed you. Sadly, I have to throw that belief far far away. Love is never going to be enough.

We are all like that in a way, I suppose. As we grow older, we experienced things. Things that sometimes we want to forget - but it's a part of you anyway so you can't. We complicate things and over analyzed without us even realizing. Suddenly the truth hits us, there is NO happily ever after in this oh-so-cruel-cruel world. Relationship and most importantly, marriage, needs hard work - I know this not because I have been married before... but because of my parents' marriage.

I can't go on into details at this moment - so let's just say that my family is not perfect. We had lots of ups and downs - and my sister and I were somehow 'forced' to grow up even before we need to. My happiest moments were those ones I couldn't recall anymore since it was such a long long time ago. At one point in time - I have almost swore myself off men. Even my sister used to say that she didn't want to get married since it seems so hard (knock on wood!!!!).

I learned along the way that there's no such thing as a perfect family. Everyone I know, has family issues. Some are not-so-complicated, some are wayyyyy more complicated. Then you kind of feel relieved that you're not the odd one out. I used to not want to talk about it - but as you find people who endures the same thing as you, the words just poured out - and it makes me feel so much better.

My mum told me to 'marry the one who loves you more than you love him, that way you won't end up getting hurt'. I rejected her opinion - saying that it's not fair for the other party since it's kind of like a one-sided thing. But then my friends told me that their mothers taught them the same thing... No fairytale is like that, isn't it? The love between Prince Charming and Cinderella are perfect... did that love 'died' along the way? We have no idea. Or maybe it's true, when we are loved, more than we love them, it won't hurt us?

However, doesn't matter how cynical we are. We still have that hope (even if it's just tiny) that when you least expected it - your fairytale will come true. I know I do. No matter how messy life gets - no matter how hurt I was (and still is, I think - or maybe I'm just getting used to it?) I have hope, that someday I will open up my eyes and my fairytale would come true. It's like Charlotte York in SATC... the real optimist who always believe in love - even when she thought she lost it.

Pardon my rant for today. I know I'm going out of tangents here and there, but it's just something that I need to 'let out' :) Ah... I miss those simpler days. But for what it's worth, I learned my lesson and won't lose my faith. I hope it goes the same to you and we all could have our happily-ever-afters one day.

Over and out.


April 04, 2008


Yaaaaaayyyy.. it's Friday! My favorite day of the week (apart from public holidays). I have a friend's birthday party tonight - so that'll be a nice change for me because I usually stayed at home and be lazy with DVDs. I haven't got a chance to think about what I'm going to wear, well, I just have to rampage my wardrobe again tonight, because I can't find anything to wear yesterday (I'm getting fat!). But maybe I was just too tired to look... Fingers crossed!

Anyway... My lovely friend, Liza just told me about this phenomenal comeback of...

*drum rolls please*


Yes yes, NKOTB has officially reunited. They performed on the TODAY show in Rockafeller Plaza. How long ago was it after they broken up? 14 years or so? Man, that was a long time ago... I was just.... 9 years old! I still remember how I used to love that 'Step by Step' song. I grew up with that song in my head. Xenia, Arianty and I even sang the 'Happy Birthday' song by NKOTB at Carrina's Sweet Seventeen a few years back as well.

I remembered that Joey McIntyre had a single back then called 'Stay The Same' which is quite a huge success, but it was just a one-hit wonder. Jordan Knight also had a one-hit wonder, i think it was 'Give It To You' or something... I kinda like that song actually, and I have to say the dance moves were hot!

So yeah, do you still remember what Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg (he's Mark Wahlberg's brother, btw) Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight and Danny Wood looked like 14 years ago? Hmm.. let's compared it with the 'now' edition.

Then: ahh... pay attention to the Rooster-like quiffs.. the outfit and those baby faces.

Now: sleek, mature, and manly? er... doesn't Donny Wahlberg looked EXACTLY like Mark Wahlberg?

You can read the full news here regarding the group comeback. Man, this reminds me of that movie 'Music & Lyrics' where Hugh Grant played a 80's pop band has-been trying to make a comeback in the new millenium. Anyway, all the best to NKOTB! I hope they still have the 'charm' to wow us with their songs eventhough they more like Old Kids On The Block now (OKOTB).

And now, to freshened up your memory - or just simply to indulge your inner youth... I'll leave you with this...

C'mon everybody siiiingggg.....

♪♫ Step by Steeeepppp.... Oooooohh Babyyy.. Gonna get to you giiiirrrllllll ♪♫

OK, I'm behaving like a 9 year old now :P



April 03, 2008

Zac Posen for Target

If you live in Australia and you love fashion, today's your lucky day. Zac Posen for Target collection is launched in Australia on the 3rd April 2008 (which is, today!). I am so excited, since I always loved Zac Posen's designs. I love how great it looked on Katherine Heigl, Gwyneth Paltrow and other celebrities who's wearing his designs. It kinda of resembled 50's Hollywood Fashion Icons in a way, I think.

Gwyneth Paltrow & Katherine Heigl shone in Zac Posen

I had a peek on the Target website - and in my opinion the range looks great. Even better than what Yeojin Bae, Josh Goot and Stella McCartney did because it's more tailored - now that I'm working I need more tailored shirts and skirts and pants and dresses, and so on and so forth :P

I'm absolutely smitten with the tailored dress in the collection below, which is the second right at the bottom row... the dress comes in black, brown and red. I think the red is nice, but if I bought the black I could use it for work... I hope it'll looked good when I tried it on. It sure looked good in the picture, but hey, they were on models. Nuff said!

I'm going to Target at my lunch time, thank God it's just right across the street from my office. I love working in CBD... hahahaha :D I'm so glad that Target is doing this 'Designers for Target' thing, so that we - commoners - could have a slice of heaven that we actually can afford! Next one: Collette Dinnigan's Lingerie Line for Target is out on the 17th April 2008! And I've heard that it's going to be less than $20. BARGAIN!

Collette Dinnigan for Target


A Friday-kind-of-Thursday

It's Thursday, everyone. But it feels like a Friday. Have you ever feel that way? It makes you want to rip your hair out because you WANT it to be Friday (which means weekend is just right around the corner). Kinda sucks, but oh well... only two days to weekend, and I've got my Chai Latte and French Toast for breakfast so I'm full and happy :) Hehehe (Doesn't take much to make me happy, does it?)

Anyway, just a quick update... I did some re-designing of my blog layout last night! I've always wanted to have ruffle-like borders but I didn't know how to do it, until last night when I played around with Photoshop and think of something that might do the trick. And it did! I am so happy on the way it looks! It's not perfect, but at least I'm getting somewhere... I might changed the header as well in the near future, as I'm currently looking for some inspirations.

Haha.. this shows that I'm the type of person who gets bored with things really easily and always wants to find a way to 'spice things up' a little, I guess :P

Last Sunday night, my friends and I went to Long Bar in Pagoda Hotel to watched Meli performed. She is Fang's little sister and she's very talented in music. She's now currently studying contemporary Jazz (I think) in ECU and she sings like an angel! She's the vocalist for WAYJO (Western Australia Youth Jazz Orchestra) and they performed in Long Bar once a month performing Jazz, Swing and Big Band numbers. I'm really into those kind of music so I always enjoyed their performances.

In WAYJO performances, they always have this huge group of swing dancers from various dance clubs around WA. It's kind of cool seeing them dancing to the numbers. Sometimes they have weird movement which makes me want to laugh at them, but most of them are really good in their dancing.

I was just saying to Fang and our other friends, if we were living in the 'Grease' era - this would be what we were doing on weekends - out dancing!! A proper dancing, not like the one in nightclubs. The blokes would dress up and so would the girls. All the glitz and glamour of yesteryear... Ah, what a bliss! I would dress up like what Olivia Newton John did in Grease... will the guys dress up like John Travolta? I leave that up to you!

I've got chills, they're multiplying!

Then we were thinking on how lifestyle in yesteryears are a little bit more cultured than ours now. The guys were (at least I think they were) gentlemen, who will give up their seats for the ladies, who will opened the door, lift their hats off to greet them, and so on and so forth. Instead of getting drunk and going to nightclubs, they go dancing, eat at diners, and drive-in movies. Which I think is really cute. And don't get me started on the dresses!!! They just don't make dresses like they used to, do they? *sigh*

Hmm... Maybe I should do a Grease-themed Costume Party? I think that'll be super fun!