Second Chance

Once upon a time - not long ago from today - there was a girl. A girl who claimed that she's a Christian. It has been 6 years since she received the free gift of salvation from Jesus Christ into her heart. At first, she was on fire. The fire burned ever so strongly. She enjoyed that moment, she was in love after all. This Jesus Christ she knew, changed her life. Changed her beliefs, her perspective and her priorities - for that moment.

Years gone by, she served 'faithfully' in her home church. At first, she was just in the choir. She always enjoyed singing since she was young. Then it grew - she was the singer and now she was one of the worship leader in the church. Not only in the worship team, she was in the creative team of special events in her church - camp, Christmas musicals, Easter, you name it.

Sure, to her fellow church members she looked fine. Looked like she had everything together. Little did they know, she was not okay. Everything went wrong. She did not have it together - far from it. Yes, she still served week after week. But that 'fire'... that 'passion' was not there anymore. She saw her ministry as her obligation. Something that she just needs to do - because she had to. She had 'no choice' but to do it.

Deep inside, she knew there is something wrong with her. She was a hypocrite, you can say that. She shook it off, saying that this was only a phase and that she would go through it. "Life is like a ferris wheel, sometimes I'm up.. and sometimes I'm down. This is my down time, I'll be up again in no time," she said. But, boy, was she wrong. Things went downhill from there - her problems, not only it did not go away, it had gotten worse.

Still, she was too proud to admit that she needed help. She 'pretended' everything is hunky-dori. She still lead worship in church - yes, she can sing - but she knew, the Holy Spirit wasn't there anymore. She lost it and she did not want to admit that she did. "I'll just play along," she thought. Afterall, she is the worship leader. She was not supposed to be like this, people should not know about this.

She was contemplating on going to this year's church camp. "It doesn't seem interesting," she thought to herself. It was on a public holiday, and oh-how she loves her public holidays, her days off from work. But then as she was approached to be in the committee team, she could not resist. She loved event organizing, so "This might be work," she assured herself. So she did. Meetings after meetings, until it was the day before the camp.

Her fellow Christian gathered around to pray for the camp that day. Of course, she had to go, she was one of the committees. She had not pray in such a long time. She had not worship God in such a long time. But that night in the prayer meeting, she suddenly had the urge to pray - to expect something BIG to happen in the camp. A breakthrough is what she needed. And with that, she prayed.

The D-Day had finally arrived. First day of camp went alright, she couldn't sleep that night. The bed was hard, she was worried about the bugs that's around, she was worried about not being able to get up on time to do her 'wake up call' for the campers. She was tired. That whole day was full on. Session after session, the big activity games, the clean up after it, it was exhausting. By the last session of the night she was exhausted.

Her youth Pastor led worship that night. At first, she didn't feel like singing and jumping up and down because she was tired, but she did anyway. What's the difference, she thought to herself. But this time is different. She felt something. Something that she once knew. She once experienced. She missed it. The feeling was so strong, she couldn't explain what it is. She couldn't sing anymore. She couldn't help herself but to cry. He was there. He - whom she ignored. He - whom she forgotten. He - whom she denied. He knocked on her heart once more, asking her whether He could come in or not...

"Admit it, you need Me...", that voice said in her heart. She couldn't lie anymore, she needed Him. She was desperate. She didn't know whoelse to turn to. "I was here all along, but you didn't let Me in...", the voice echoed. She broke down. That was it - the whole truth. She did not let Him in. She did not let Him be who He is. She was not strong, she was weak. She was a nobody - but to Him, she is a somebody. She thought He ignored her, but it was the other way around. He's there, all along, waiting for her to call on Him. To admit that she needed Him more than ever.

"Forgive me..." she said. That night, she said the prayer she once prayed. "Please come into my heart," she said. "Please correct me," she said. She didn't know what else to say - but one thing she knows, He understood. He knew everything from the start. He knew what's wrong with her. She did not need to tell Him the whole story, He already knew. He just need her to say it, that she could not do it by herself. He has come to her rescue. And just like that, she felt peace. She felt at ease.

The Servant of God approached her afterwards. He told her things that he wanted to tell her since months ago. He knew because it was revealed to him what she did and went through. He prayed for her, she could only cry. There and then, she asked for forgiveness again. and He gave her a second chance. After the camp, she went home and prayed that night. She praised Him and worshipped Him for everything He has done in her life and for everything that He's going to help her do. "Everything will be alright. Be still and know that I AM." He told her.

This morning, she went to church. She felt at ease, she felt light. The Servant of God pulled her aside and said, "Last night I was praying, and I could sense that you were worshipping God at that moment...". She smiled. "This is only the beginning," she told him. And as she was praising and worshipping God in her church, that song that spoke to her so much was sung by her fellow worship team members... and she felt safe, and right at home.

So it's with everything I am

I reached out for Your hand

The hope, the change, the second chance I've gained

On You I throw my life

Casting all my fears aside

How could greater Love than this

Ever possibly exist...

(Hillsong United - Second Chance)

Second Chance